Memory Lottery

by Jon Atkins

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1.
05:21
2.
04:34
3.
04:15
4.
03:38
5.
6.
04:33

credits

released December 6, 2013

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Jon Atkins Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: Mother Hen
Along the way I forgot about my birth
And I forfeit what it's worth.
So they say when the reaper comes to sift,
I will beat him to his pit.
So Mother Hen, protect your chicks at all costs
To give the one that you love best
The best chance.
They might come in first where you came in last.
Go if the corridor's lit, turn your bright eyes away,
Let that chamber music play.
I'm on my own again.
Lover, Lover stay.
A chamber in my heart is vacant today.
Some one sewed it up,
But it came undone.
Space has opened up,
Another one shuts.
So go if the corridor's lit, turn your bright eyes away,
Let that chamber music play.
I'm on my knees again.
Oh cover them.
We have pulled this shit before,
And we will do it again.
And feed them mother's milk,
'Til it seeps from their skin.
And give them mother's pills,
Three sheets in their cribs.
And do they walk alone?
No, I don't think so.
Do they walk alone?
No, I don't think so.
You stood by and watched them,
Bite the hand that feeds.
You let it go and we will find some peace.
And I might find some peace.
I see the day that the child knew his birth
And his soul felt its worth.
Then it came in a halloween diguise,
As an angel of the light.
In his young mind,
He was reasoining out in time,
I was born so I will die.
In his soft ears,
Were the whisperings of fear,
I will lose what I hold dear.
So Mother Hen, protect your chicks at all costs
To give the one that you love best
The best chance.
They might come in first where you came in last.
Track Name: Even Keel
So it’s even keel for the boats we are now rowing,
I see the open sail for the land with the joyous glowing,
It came a little late and the signs got a little blurry,
The fear of what I want floating away without me.
Am I just like you or do I need to be tied to the winter?
Are my horses dead or do they need to be put down and put to sleep?
Am I just like you or do I still grow tired in the summer?
To me the sunlight said it would be best if you quit and were laid to rest.
It was a neutral day with the mask I had been wielding,
Could it be my fate with the love that you had been faking?
Through a silvery gate and beneath the bridges of patience,
My heart is on a plate while yours is in a cage of resistance.
Am I just like you or do I need to be tied to the winter?
Are my horses dead or do they need to be put down and put to sleep?
Am I just like you or do I still grow tired in the summer?
To me the sunlight said it would be best if you quit and were laid to rest.
A little love by night, a little love by day,
I’m not getting my hopes up to carry you away.
That’d be a big mistake.
Mother, your motherhood, your boy is down and he’s not breathing,
Father, your fatherhood, your eyes don’t speak, your mouth’s not moving,
How is it understood that life is fair? That’s nothing like it,
How am I understood if I don’t scream when I stay quiet?
Now I am letting out that I grow weary. I grow weary.
Track Name: Heartbreaker
Casting lots to see what traits you'll get.
From the father, from the Mother Hen.
When you're a chicken that is the best you get.
Happy birthday welcome to your home,
Nights are cold here and the days are warm,
Find a lover or do it on your own.
I've been running like hell since then,
From the way they live.
I won't marry some heartbreaker.
I'll just stay here.
Unbelievable how he talks to her,
His own wife, my own mother.
Up the stairs and through the open door,
I can hear it, things I'll never say,
And I swear it up and down all day.
I don't see it. It's in my DNA.
I've been running like hell since then,
From the way they live.
I won't marry some heartbreaker.
I'll just stay here.
And be the background noise,
As if I had a choice.
I got some nerve just being here,
Playing both parts all at once.
I am the secret scowl,
Behind the blushing brow.
You got some nerve coming here,
Telling me how to get fixed,
When it's the sound of your voice,
That's making me sick.
They say the honey you would be my soul mate.
They say the glowing is a heavy gateway,
It is our gateway.
Dear God, hear me pray to live,
Please release me from my inheritance.
Let me love 'cause I have not loved yet.
I've been running like hell since then,
From my own damn self.
I will marry a heartbreaker.
I will love her.
Track Name: Parties
Driveway blues introduce us,
All that noise and sound attracts,
I'm deafened by the darkened stacks,
I can feel the strangers pass,
Manic and sad.

In this place,
I see faces,
Disappear into it,
An atmosphere that makes me sick,
Oh I wish I did not fit,
But I fit right in.

All I need now is love in its purest form,
But who would allow, if they knew who I was?

Cheap perfume,
Make-up glue face,
All the girls try so hard,
To win a man without a heart,
How they push and pull apart,
Night after night.

There you are,
Just as awkward,
As I am in this scene,
But don’t expect any honesty,
I would never let that be,
Let you see me.

All I need now is love in its purest form,
But who would allow, if they knew who I was?

It's nights like these leave with such enemy scenes I regret,
The way I behave will keep killing my will to forgive myself,
The truth in my soul is a truth I withhold, but I think that she knows,
I think that she knows that I’m no good,
My act couldn’t fool this one half awake.
I think that she knows I’m no good,
But I hope that she loves me anyway,
But I won’t be surprised if she runs away.

All I need now is love in its purest form,
Who would allow if they knew who I was?
Track Name: Time Isn't On Your Side
In the first place, was it not a portrait,
Of the first grade? It was something to be proud of.
And the next case came out even better,
They were good days, not a worry until you said,

Time isn’t on your side, honey you know it never was.
When I could begin to cry, you’d tell me I am not allowed, Tell me I am not allowed.

So the speed came from every direction,
And every classmate, it was something to be proud of.
I see the clock face, every hand in motion,
I run a good race, I remember it when you said,

Time isn’t on your side, honey you know it never was.
I could begin to fly, you would tell me I am not allowed,
Tell me I am not allowed.

Go baby, go, you know what you want so go get it done,
Please baby, please, you think when you need to be seeking the sun,
Hold baby, hold to nothing so tight your freedom is wrought,
Bleed baby, bleed if blood is what it takes to feel what you are meant to feel.

In the first place, was it ever a sin to say what hearts want said? We are not taught to articulate so the tongue outruns the head. And God knows I got a lot to learn.
And the fold keeps hiding the love, keeps hiding the home, and the seeds of the hiding are set as deep as your bones.

Blade by blade I count the lawn.
Grain by grain my hour’s gone.
Not a real care in the world.
Blade by blade I might return.

You said, ‘time isn’t on your side, honey you know it never was.’ Well, I would begin to fly. You would tell me I am not allowed. Well look at how I am flying now.
Track Name: The Other
An age of many wars is waging.
Face it, we are where we made us.
So I gave up and under all is painless.
Maybe it will make more sense when he comes home for dinner.
War is on his mind tonight.
Please be, she needs you now more than ever.
Look at your apetite, she sees you getting thinner.
And she wants you here with her.
First come, first serve,
Hot gun, shot nerves,
Fancy medal, absent fellow.
Playing the travesty he saw in late September,
Violent are his eyes tonight.
Please be! He needs you now more than ever.
Maybe if godlessness could heal he would get better.
But that's sillier now than you think.
Sweet Jesus can't you see us running around?
We've got a bad account and a wide open mouth.
Dear Mary would you carry on without?
We've got no right to be indignant anyhow.
Maybe it will make more sense when I get to my maker.
Only in a little while.
Sweet sound I need you now more than ever.
Maybe this war will end when I become the other.